days go by.

The days all run together now.  I sleep when I can, usually for 5 hours at a time - sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes at night.  Luckily, I have had a lot of help since Josh has been in ICU.  My mother in law and step father, father in law and step mother, Josh's grandma, and my mother and sister have all been here in the last few days.

Josh has several complications at this time. 

His kidneys are no longer functioning on their own, so Josh is on continuous dialysis to flush all of the fluid and medication from his body.  He has been on oxygen since Thursday night.  They have been able to reduce the amount of oxygen, but he still needs the help.  He no longer needs the blood pressure medication as he is able to maintain a high enough level on his own, but he still has a consistent fever.

His skin has a rash that has worsened since we've been here.  He has sores throughout his mouth, which are painful and annoying.  His eyes are beyond blood shot due to the pressure that built up from excess fluids.  He is still a little swollen or puffy, but less than he was in the past few days.

He is on IV nutrition (food) as he has been unable to eat.  They will not allow him food at this time because they are worried about his lung function.  He is breathing heavy and fast.  They do not want him to inhale the food or have food in his stomach in case they need to put a breathing tube down his throat.

Josh is not able to get out of bed and has become very weak.  His arms shake when he reaches for a cup of water or tries to push himself up.  He has to be bathed in bed, go to the bathroom in bed, and be rolled from side to side to have his bedding changed.  I have done more than I ever expected I would need to do for him as an adult .

Josh's mental status has normalized. He has been coherent since yesterday morning, which is very comforting for everyone.  They think the hallucinations and confusion were due to a build up of medication in his system while his kidneys were slowing down.

Today, I have met with the doctors from transplant, dermatology, infectious disease, and ICU.  Tomorrow, we will see the ophthalmologist.  Josh is constantly being examined, poked, and prodded.  It is hard for him to get rest and he seems to have increased anxiety here.  They just gave him a combination of drugs to ease his pain and allow him to sleep.  I wish they would just stay out of here and leave him alone for awhile... but that is not reality.

Josh is frustrated.  He is anxious to get out of bed and out of ICU.  My heart breaks for him, but there is nothing we can do right now.  Despite his frustration, he is still positive and continues to treat all of the staff with kindness and a big smile. He has already had visits from the nurses on our old floor and his doctors from the drug trial area. They just wanted to stop by to see Josh and encourage him to keep on pushing.  He has really had an impact on many people here.

This is a hard time.  Harder than I ever imagined.  But we will continue to move forward a day at a time.  I remember what Josh told me before we got down here.  He said, "God only gives this type of situation to the strongest people, the people that can handle it."  Watching Josh endure what he does day in and day out, I truly believe that.